Another two months have gone by since my last post and I seriously curse myself everyday for it. With two holidays back to back, and a million unwanted no-name things happening around, I feel like a sleepwalker who keeps moving around without knowing exactly what she’s doing or where she’s heading to. Staring at the six half-done posts in my draft folder, I’m not quite sure if I should feel better or worse about myself.
I blame it on the upcoming nuptial that has occupied pretty much the right half of my brain, and on my ‘fiancee’ (still feel weird saying the word) for not hiring a secretary to keep me on track and remind me to breathe in and out from time to time. These days, instead of scrambling down my thoughts into this blog, one of my top favorite things to do after midnight, I have to divide my time either into writing to my wedding planner to get things sorted out or into writing to my clients and reassure them that their weddings are all under control. And so now, when midnight just rolled around, and here I am, sitting in the middle of a scattered mess of papers and glue-guns and scissors, working on a birthday party two days away, and freaking out that it’s four months to the wedding and I still have not gotten anything done. No invitation, no restaurants, no airplane tickets. No wedding gown!
Remember all the wedding guide books which offer you a year-long week-to-week planner of all the things that you need to do before your big day? Those that I never used because I was too confident with my organization skill? Well, those books would probably laugh at my right now if they could, considering the reality that I probably will have to squeeze a year into these four months. When we envisioned our destination wedding in Greece, I thought of a sunset ceremony, where everyone with his/her toes in the sand, smiling, Loic held my hand and told me that I was the most beautiful bride on Earth (isn’t that what grooms are supposed to do?). I dreamed of a beach reception under endless strings of light, fresh, hearty local foods, everyone dancing to the music of a Greek band, my bridesmaids and groomsmen told us about such a wonderful couple we were (okay, this part is really a dream, I know they would crush us with embarrassing stories that we probably don’t even remember). The point is that I was promised cake and funny dances and cheers and laughters. Nobody warned me that there would also be arranging accommodations for 100 people, or that most Greek restaurant owners escaped their own islands from Christmas to Easter for low season, or that just a week-long promotion from Vietnam Airlines could suddenly result in frantic panic mode among my whole family.
I think about all the weddings that I have organized, about what I really look forward to at my own wedding, about what really matters in the end. I think about how much I care about my guests’ experiences, about what I can let go, about when I can let go of it. And then I think about our relationship afterwards. It is one of the things that I want it to be amazing and memorable, but not overwhelming to the point of changing our shared life. I like to think of it as a new page in our book (the one with exciting illustrations!), instead of the start of a new life together. I hope our wedding is a mini vacation, a reunion party, a lovely amusement for all our loved ones. I hope we would have fun too. In the place where love has happened.
So I will make a promise to myself, to write down my experience leading up to my big day every week, whether it is short or long, scandalous or insignificant. It is part of the story leading up to the big page. And I want to look back many years from today, remember all the silly thoughts that have rushed through my head, and feel like doing it all over again.
In the end, I write a wedding blog, so why can’t I blog about my own wedding, right?
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* photos of us from our engagement ceremony, Loic did tell me that I was the most beautiful one there haha
vanhvanh 